Sometimes, we find out so much more about ourselves from our gut reactions when deep in the midst of important situations than when we are just sitting and thinking about our beliefs. I have had a few of these experiences, and am grateful for every one. They are so strong, and the message they deliver can never again be doubted.
One of my very strongest automatic responses of “No” came during a dance class. Things change. I had so many great memories of this building, the squeaky stairs with the thin black bannister, the optimal, old small room with its full mirror and its barre. The story of one of our instructors, Clara, going to an audition in old clothes and sneakers, yet in a level competition, out dancing all the painted sequined dancers with the skill that dedication creates, and being the one chosen.
I had no such ballet dreams. I was there, partially for the memories, and partially for the muscle work. This place was another “home” to me in my soul. We need these places.
On this particular class day, otherwise like any other, I overheard a conversation between our instructor and her friend. The instructor told her friend, as the class was ending, that she had just had an abortion. I immediately found out that you can know yourself to the core in your involuntary response to such words.
The class ended then, and I changed clothes, gathered my things and left. I never again went back. I’ve been content, since, to live on the sweet prior memories still in my soul. Upon hearing those words, I felt a chill I still feel even in thinking about it now. The only comparison I have to that feeling is realizing that my family and I ate dinner with the man who would later murder my cousin.
From this woman’s one decision, there would never be another Clara or Linda…or you, with the loss of this child. I wonder whom we lost. I wonder what skill sets, talents and kind hearts we’ll, additionally, now never know. Think of all the people you love and admire. We were sans another one of them then, and many more, as well.
These are strong reactions. They run to the core without my taking any action of any kind. I know, solidly, what I believe with every fiber of my living being. I know there are life-threatening extenuating circumstances. It is God’s place, not mine, to judge. It is only my place to follow what God has set forth, to the very best of my ability. It’s a great trade for Eternal Life.
May God always direct me, including through my “involuntary responses”, away from what He declares wrong, and to all that He declares good and right. May He separate me from the negative and lead me to the good in like manner. And, may He do the same for you. God Bless you…